Stages of Child Development
Is it better to send a child to school at six or wait until seven? At what age do children adapt more easily to kindergarten? Many parents are looking for answers to these questions. The human brain consists of two hemispheres. The right hemisphere is hyperactive in all children up to about 6.5 years of age. There is a wide variety of information: all sounds, all touches, all aromas, everything we feel from the outside world. And all of this is disorganized. Therefore, the left hemisphere, which helps organize this information, will be fully involved only after 7 years. Imagine a large number of distracting signals in the right hemisphere, and the left hemisphere is not yet active. It cannot distinguish a single important signal. What do you think happens to children at such moments? Tantrums and overload.
What Do Baby Cries Mean?
When a little one is uncomfortable, our cortisol level rises when someone nearby cries. Under his action, we get frustrated, angry, or start to spread out. This is why parents start fighting among themselves when their children are sick. When you feel stress from a crying child, tell yourself: “Everything is fine. My hormonal system is working wonderfully. I have cortisol hormone. Breathe in and out.” To help the child at such moments, you need to name the emotions he is experiencing: “You must be sad, perhaps angry.” Or you just want to hug him. A child who is bothered by everything or is under stress should be given a soft object in his left hand so that he can squeeze it. When we squeeze something in our left hand, we can control what is happening in the right hemisphere of the brain. A small child educates his brain by throwing objects on the floor. For a child, one way to concentrate is to rock on a chair. This way, he filters out extra brain signals. The child's brain needs movement to develop. Every time our children move, they develop their cerebellum. And children themselves come up with the necessary movements: it's walking along an edge where you have to balance, balls to jump on. When your little child throws a lot of objects on the floor, he is training his cerebellum. If one of the teachers says your child doesn't have a math talent, such a child needs more sports to stimulate the parietal lobe of the brain. Sports are related to the construction of movement, and our logical thinking is also related to it.
What are the Outlines of Child Development?
Whatever advice you have, there are absolutely no exact norms for your children. There are only ideal age norms for ideal children. Now, in psychology, they are increasingly moving away from the concept of "norm" and coming to "developmental outlines," which are the boundaries within which the child develops. The first outline of child development is called "physical." It lasts from about birth to 2 years. At this time, the child receives all information about himself through the attitude of adults towards the needs of his body. The gaze with which the mother looks after the baby at this age later becomes his self-esteem. If the first stage of development is strong, the child will feel safe among strangers. The second stage of development is called "personal" and lasts from 2 to 4 years. At this time, the child begins to say "I" about himself, and the word "no" appears in his vocabulary, the first word that helps him form boundaries. Parents of a child in the second stage of development often encounter aggression. This aggression is not because the child is inherently aggressive and poorly educated, but simply because he is trying to define his boundaries. When a child starts talking about himself as "I," he can already control the process of bowel movement. That is, a baby ready to go to the potty will consciously sit down to poop after saying "I" about himself. Every time we touch a child, his brain is given the signal "I am safe." The third stage of development is called the "interpersonal communication circuit" and lasts from 4 to 7 years. During this period, the boundaries of the self mature in the child. The ideal age to send a child to kindergarten is closer to 4 years old. And if it is necessary to do so before the age of 4, the child should be in a small group and be shown maximum respect. Until the age of 7, children live in game reality. A more favorable time period to send your child to school is closer to 7 years old. Only after 7 years will the child feel like part of a social group with its own rules and be ready to be called by his last name. Until the age of 7, as I said, children live in game reality. Play develops the brain. The more time a child plays before the age of 7, the more successful he will be at school.
What Does It Mean to Be a Good Enough Parent?
It is better for a child that parents allow for some imperfections, because next to ideal parents, the child does not develop, they do not give him the opportunity to adapt to the outside world. "Good enough parents," in Donald Winnicott's terminology, are parents who allow themselves to take care of themselves first. The task of an 8-month-old baby, when attachments are formed, is to crawl on dad and mom (mostly mom), drive to the toilet while mom is there, and scream under the door. A good enough mother shouts to the child from the toilet: "I am with you, I will pee now and come back to you." An ideal mother immediately opens the door and holds the baby in her arms. A bad mother does not respond to this cry. The best therapeutic words for a baby are: "I am with you." Good enough parents show the child how they can communicate with him and, at the same time, take care of themselves. The main task of parents is to teach children how to survive without them. Good enough parents allow their children to say "no." Up to a certain age, children look very cute. Nature has taken care of the survival of humanity. There is such a thing as a baby form. This is nature's manipulation: children look so cute that parents do not abandon them when they are helpless. When the child's appearance becomes less cute, it is a sign that he is ready to develop, to go somewhere to learn to live in the world on his own. If each of the developmental stages is durable, the child has a sufficient supply of oxytocin to cope with important tasks in life. Developmental stages become less understandable at every age. When it is difficult for parents to have a child, they need to remember the magic words: "My love," "My dear," etc.
